Hulloooo from me, Maaaargaret Bilke. It’s been a hectic week; our author Sian did aaaa reading aaat North Library in London, and a lot of very enquiring minds were there. Good questions, and a certain horror to even contemplate the faaaact that Aaaaagatha has gone soft in the latest book! She absolutely haaaaas not. I can vouch for thaaat. Yes sireee. Anyway, must go, have a property empire to run. Ciaow, Maaaargaret. xx

Written by Margaret Bilke on Friday 20th June 2008


Margaret, Agatha Bilke’s sistaaaah here. Just letting you know that I’m writing the new blog from now on, as The Humphrey Doctors need a break. Hurrah. I haaave just come back from Paris. What an insane time waaas had by all. I nearly lost everything. But all of that revealed in the new Agatha book. I will be bloggin’ (as I hear it’s known) about all the exciting book events that crop up from time to time. Will keep you posted! Thaaaanks, Margaret.

Written by Margaret Bilke on Friday 16th May 2008


PARIS MATCH is finished, being typeset at the minute by Short Books which means making all the words fit the pages and putting the pics in.
Hurrah. It’s officially out June 5 2008 but should be in bookshops mid-May. Agatha gets up to all sorts of mischief this time – launching a plague of frogs legs on her French exchange, Demone Canard. But could computer hacker/social networker Demone be worse than Agatha? And has Holbeck really started a cult in a Villa in Cannes? You’ll have to read it to find out… Unless you spot me in the street and blackmail me or something.

Written by Administrator on Tuesday 18th March 2008

Trafalgar School!

Thanks to the pupils at Trafalgar school for the warm welcome a week ago. Mr Smith, my former teacher at St Stephens, had to listen to my old jokes twice. The kids were great and we all had a good time. I hope so, anyway.

Written by Administrator on Thursday 13th March 2008

Stop Press!

Siân will be at the marvellous Hexham Book festival on Wednesday 20 February – 12-1pm, with her World Renowned writing workshop – The Problem Clinic. (Ponteland Library, Thornhill Road, Ponteland.) Later that day the Clinic is at the wonderful Seven Stories Children’s Book Centre in Newcastle… 2.30-3.30pm. We start with talking about the characters with phobias in the Agatha Bilke books and use that as a starting point to create our own fantabulous stories…
LINK (please copy and paste):

Hope to see you there!

Written by Dr Alan on Monday 18th February 2008


And happy new year… if it’s still New Year and not Mid-January. Um.
Hope you’re all still sticking to your resolutions. Myself and Alan have vowed not to use any more sellotape for 12 months but it’s proving difficult!
We have learnt that a production of ‘The Flying Machine’ at the Unicorn Theatre, London SE1 has a certain ‘Nurse Cakebread’ as a character. We must inform you that it is not our lovely Matron Cakebread, but another medical lady, of whom we have no knowledge. Never mind! I’m sure Humphrey Productions will be rehearsing a top West End Stage one day with an Awful play about Agatha Bilke. The only thing is that Andrew Lloyd Webber keeps dropping his phone in a puddle when we ring… well, that’s what we imagine, as we always get cut off.
NB Paris Match is almost primped for publication – out May 1st 2008. It’s a must for you computer fans!

Written by Dr Tim on Tuesday 15th January 2008

Happy Christmas!

It’s been a busy year and this is just to say thanks for your help and support.
As we know, Agatha Bilke has not been very nice these past few months. She has been bad at the Rottington Hospital and ill-behaved at the Folbeck’s mansion.
She really shouldn’t be encouraged.
And yet, Doctor Tim Humphrey from the TreadQuietly Clinic has attended three award ceremonies in the past year for the short-listed Awful Tale – and spoken to countless hopeless cases people in peril (not because there was anything *properly* wrong with them but because they’d read of this terrible girl and had subsequently become quite traumatised).
So, have a good 2008. unless you bump into the irrepressible Agatha, in which case you might not. Next in series, Paris Match, out May 2008. Argh.


The Agatha Bilke Team
That is, Drs Tim and Alan Humphrey
Respected scientists.

Written by Administrator on Friday 21st December 2007


Hooray for the Sheffield Children’s Book Award! We travelled there on Tuesday 27th November to see if we had picked up a gong for the Awful Tale of Agatha Bilke. Alas! We were late – Sian arrived on time and signed some copies of her book, but we were too busy loitering around the cappuccino stand at St Pancras to catch the proper train. Dr Tim ended up in Brussels on the Eurostar, but he had a nice time anyway. Thanks to the organisers but especially THE CHILDREN of Sheffield! And Viper Jungle, a local band, who were very exciting.

Written by Dr Tim on Monday 26th November 2007

Cheltenham Capers

Dr Tim here. We hear Sian had a great time at the Cheltenham Literature Festival what with her Funny Phobias workshop ‘n’ all. Pictured here are the keen scribes who took part! Thanks to everybody who came, you all worked very hard; the stories you wrote were great – and some quite scary. That’s why we’re all trying to look a bit frightened….

Written by Dr Tim on Wednesday 10th October 2007

Go 4 It

Pattenden had a great time at BBC Broadcasting House yesterday, recording ‘Go 4 It’ with three excitable readers, so-called Doctor Mike (actually, a lovely person who knew all about the heart) and the charming host Barney. The show will be on this Sunday (23rd) at 7.15pm. Unfortunately, us real-life Humphrey Doctors could not attend as we were busy therapeutin’ – as always. But we’ll be tuning in to listen to that exclusive excerpt from ‘Operation Ward Ten’. Oh yes.

Written by Dr Tim on Tuesday 18th September 2007

Next Page »